Explaining Hamilton in Real Time to a 1st Grader

ME: You’re gonna be so excited! This is the most famous modern musical. You know Moana and Encanto? The same guy who wrote the music for those wrote this!

8YO: I hate Moana and Encanto.

6YO: YAY!!!

Musical begins.

ME: There’s Hamilton! He wanted to make where we live is its own country, so the King of England wouldn’t be in charge anymore, and we decide who’s in charge.

8YO: You said there were sisters. Where are the sisters.

Sisters enter.

8YO: What’s wrong with Peggy?

ME: She’s being a party pooper.

6YO: Is that the King?

ME: The King of England! He’s so silly. The guy who originally played the king is Kristoff in Frozen!

6YO: He said he’d kill all their friends and family!

ME: He’s just being funny…

6YO: They’re getting married!

8YO: That’s not good to marry someone you just met. Elsa said so.

ME: Elsa’s right.

6YO: Are they fighting?

ME: Yes. They win! They get to make their own country.

6YO: Wait, is Hamilton a for real person?

ME: He was.

6YO: [MIND BLOWN]

8YO: What happened to Peggy?

ME: Peggy?

8YO: THE THIRD SISTER?

ME: I’m not sure, baby. Now they have to figure out the rules of the country. They’re fighting about it. About the same things we still fight about today: If the main government that ties all the states together should be bigger or small—

6YO: What’s that red dress lady doing?

ME: [Forgot entirely about this plot point since I last saw it in 2019] Um, Hamilton kissed her. Now his wife is really sad and angry.

8YO: He should have just not kissed her. It’s not that hard.

ME: Your are right.

8YO: Boys are dumb.

ME: [Nods]

6YO: Who’s that? Why’s he want to be in the room?

ME: Burr. He wants to help make the laws of our country.

6YO: Why?

ME: To be important, I think. Oh look, there’s the king again.

6YO: I love the king! Why don’t they want the king?

ME: Well, the king in the musical is great. You’re right.

6YO: He’s so funny. He’s my favorite.

8YO: Did Peggy want to be in the room where it happens?

ME: Peggy?

8YO: THE THIRD SISTER!!!

6YO: Are there duels now?

ME: No. People did funny things a long time ago, didn’t they?

6YO: But there’s still guns.

ME: Yes. There’s still guns.

6YO: There shouldn’t be guns. Then people wouldn’t die.

ME: [Nods. Cries through the entire rest of the show. Tries not to visibly sob during Quiet Uptown.]

6YO: [Pats my back]

ME: [Wipes face on 6YO’s cotton dress. Regrets wearing mascara. Laments the fact that the house lights turn on RIGHT AFTER Eliza’s last breath.]

8YO: Wait, did she just, like, disappear?

ME: Who?

8YO: PEGGY!!!

FIN