4 Killer Form Rejection Letters from HR Professionals
Let those applicants know they're not wanted, with empathy, honesty, and style.
Hello Jobseeker,
You have an impressive background, but we could not help but notice what we assume is a “mommy gap.” We know there was a pandemic, but your choice to focus on your children through a period of closed schools an imminent death means we believe you are no longer in touch with the realities of today’s digital workplace. Should you become a momfluencer with more than 100K followers, please feel free to reapply.
All our best,The Recruiting Team
Dear Hopeful Person,
While we admire your impressive background, we’re delighted to inform you that we’ve only posted this job because of laws requiring us to appear like we care about external applicants. We do not. Claire was our pick from the beginning, as she was the last woman standing after all of our “diverse hires” quit and filed that class-action lawsuit. We’ll spare you from a Zoom in which none of us is remotely interested in asking you a single question. You’re welcome!
Best of luck in your search,
The People Team
Dear You,
Thank you for your interest in our marketing position. We noticed you didn’t list the year of your college graduation, but after a careful scan of all of the internet, our new proprietary AI for HR (HR-AI, pronounced Hooray!) determined you may be nearing 40. That’s too bad! While your skills and background are impressive, we fear the natural crinkling of your facial skin will be off-putting to our clients. Maybe look into agencies that specialize in mortuaries?
Sincerely,100-Year Old Ad Agency
Dear Applicant,
Thank you so much for going through five rounds of interviews, and for spending an entire week on that unpaid project. It’s been a month since you last heard from us, so we’re sure you’ve already moved on, like we have. Our VP of HR said ghosting is the new norm now, but we’re a communications company, so we should probably say something. You have impressive skills and background, but we’re planning mass layoffs in a month, and you wouldn’t have been eligible for union protection, so maybe consider this a good thing?
It’s not you, it’s us,
HR Rookie